6 “And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest;
7 yes, I would wander far away;
I would lodge in the wilderness; Selah
8 I would hurry to find a shelter
from the raging wind and tempest.”
After coming to the end of all wishful thinking and every thought based on defensive hope I started to pray these verses. God provided that safe place through legal separation and soon it will be divorce. I woke up in the middle of the night saying out loud “I hate divorce”. God hates it the same way I hate it. He hates the abuse that broke faith and covenant. As I look back it was a bit broken to begin with. To begin with things were terribly wrong but it’s did easy to be pulled in when one is young.
Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB) holds more true to the grammar of the original Hebrew text of that verse that gets so misqued in Malachi, and is likely closer to the original intent, not every version says it the same.
“If he hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord God of Israel, “he covers his garment with injustice,” says the Lord of Hosts. Therefore, watch yourselves carefully, and do not act treacherously.
It’s the hardest thing to file, being the one to file because of injustice and hateful abusive things being said to me, things I wouldn’t say to my worst enemy because those things cut at the very core of ones being. God is just as grieved as I am and He has provided for me seperation and divorce as a safe place for me and my children.
I still pray keep me in this safe place, just knowing 85 percent of women return to an abusive spouse. Divorce closes that door for me. I think it’s closed anyway but there is a vulnerability there if I don’t divorce.
My thoughts on this Sunday morning.
“Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm…”
Shame on you Paul for making that so public. Almost everyone in the world with a bible read that for centuries, so unchristian of Paul.You need to be quiet Paul and keep that private,you are sinning by writing that, is what some Christians would say.
There comes a point when you can say it, I wonder how long Paul tried and then said to himself.”This guy’s name is going in a letter.” Not in a vengeful way but in a way to warn others and to bring validation and healing to others who had been harmed by this Alexander and one’s like him.
The certain Anglican bishop I mentioned in a
previous post was of course the brilliant N. T. Wright. And I want him to remain as such. At the moment and I’m predicting its going to be a long moment I attend a non-denominational Calvary chapel affiliated church. My former and still much loved fellowship was non-denominational Free Methodist, there’s something freeing about being in fellowship with people from different backgrounds and who have grace for nonessential doctrines. I do not want all Spirit led believers to agree with all the particulars of my current place of fellowship, I don’t even agree with all the particulars of the affiliation of my current place of fellowship, nor my former fellowship. I don’t want us to all be the same. I tried fitting into molds, I only pop out and stand there looking rather stupid. God uses all denominational bents. So unless your particular fellowship is toxic, i.e. spiritually abusive, God may want you there I say may because He is God and may want you somewhere else for other reasons you don’t even know about, I felt like I was starving in the stress of circumstances and started to attend my current church where there is more of a focus on scripture and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit in one’s life, so there are many reasons a person may change churches not just spiritual abuse. The Holy Spirit most likely doesn’t want your favorite theologian to convert to your particular camp, he or she is not going to fit into that box, if she is a pastor she is unfortunately too much out of the box for some people simply because she is a woman. The best teachers don’t even fit into their own box. They are often outside of it using the distinctions of their particular fellowship to build up people who hold to the same non-essentials of belief and reaching all of us who have sense to see the gospel is bigger than a few differences of opinion. I have been gravitating toward love, a brilliant understanding of gospel and nuance and compassion in theology not whether it’s infant or adult baptism, communion or Eucharist, old earth or young earth, rapture or a gradual building of the church that ushers in the second coming. Those things don’t matter except as a personal understanding for oneself and the funny thing is one may change one’s mind on any number of theological things in the future. So I will listen to the teachers who have the Spirit of Christ and the arrogant, loading people up with burdens they themselves will not help move with one finger I’ll pass by.
Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.
C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
(Artist Alma Tadema)
I think wisdom and discernment is key along with the Spirit of course after all the Spirit gives wisdom. I think we in Christendom put up with a lot of stuff that makes no sense. I don’t mean that God always makes sense at first in what He asks us to do, when He asked Phillip to take a certain road so he could speak life to the Ethiopian official, He didn’t tell Phillip the sensible details, He only said “Go this way”. That had a certain Spirit about it and brought forth good fruit. If the no sense is bringing forth no fruit and a sense of false guilt, and confusion to fellow believers or fellow human beings it is not of Him. Christendom is doing the same fruitless no sense over and over and ranting “But God doesn’t always make sense, and the Bible says to do it this way”. I like a certain Anglican bishop from across the water because he has sense and the Spirit. I like a certain blogger who has the profession of being a Judge, lots of sense needed there and the Spirit. There are two other teachers I like almost as much, yet one piece of “Uh oh don’t do that” thought I have had toward the one was when he had people of all sorts up front confessing sins. NO! In this day of trolling no, people will lie, some people are complete phycopaths. This is not a little church group where you know one another don’t have perfect strangers do this unless you are sure God is leading and maybe God was but I have my doubts. If some things are confessed there are legal issues and I don’t mean “I stole a car and took it for a joy ride” sort of legality, who cares, but real crimes of abuse against others. Next to zero percentage of those types make a change no matter their tears and confessions. Potential mess, potential trust from people they harmed and those people WILL now be harmed again. Be careful in this for sure, as always if it’s real lasting real fruit will follow.
The other speaker was happily speaking of church planting. I love this guy a lot. I completely agree with his take on the Holy Spirit. I find him helpful. In talking of church planting, he said, “people plant churches” he changed that and stressed “only men should plant churches”. Hmmm he just disregarded fifty percent of the church planting in China, which is done by women believers. Maybe in his affiliation or denomination only men plant churches but seriously don’t take your own affiliation so seriously. God does what he wants and it’s not wise to disregard half of your fellow believers out of roles you think God doesn’t will them to have. Spending some days praying with Seekonk Free Methodist who were praying as one for American Missionary Rev. Phyllis Sortor kidnapped in Nigeria I’m thinking how can one pray properly if one thinks Reverend is a role she should not have. There is no sense in that. Do not give me “God’s word says”, give me “These are the different interpretations, this is how I interpret it and this is what others say”. What is giving good lasting fruit, what is not causing angst or marginalizing persons, what interpretation is not putting God in a box, let’s go with that.
Rain falling, almost incessantly falling for seven days. Almost because once in a while the sun would come out to tease, and to paint rainbows, but no longer than a few hours at most. Then it would pour or drizzle or mist and sometimes it would steadily fall in big drops then small drops. Sometimes it would briefly engage in a thunderstorm. It was a moody rain.
The problem with the patriarchal and some of the complementarians is they don’t allow women to question especially if a women is sure of the answer. She is not allowed to be a Berean because if she addresses a man and says “This is what I think that passage means or this is how I take that using the whole of scripture, she can easily be disregarded by him.”
Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true. (Acts 17:11.)
It is okay if she throws it out there generically in an article or in conversation, (unless of course he takes it as addressing him) but if she spacificly addresses that is teaching. And wow is that oppressive to constantly be thinking “Oh am I saying too much here, am I verbally questioning this in such a way it comes off as teaching” so it limits her words, her enthusiasm, her influence. A wall is already up in his mind for him to “not allow to teach” so he is going to smirk and be condescending in a way he is less likely to treat a man. So if a women comes out with “I know what scripture is saying here and I highly question your interpretation” she gets disregarded and accused of breaking what Paul is thought to say, when actually he is having the condescending know it all lord it over constantly teaching attitude of the woman or women Paul was addressing in that verse and some subsequensive verses in Timothy and else where, I’m not getting into those here, the Berean verse shows us and scripture shows us as a whole what those few verses do not mean. The women in those churches are walking on eggshells and constantly worried that what they say or write might be regarded as teaching. I read a blog post where a woman was saying women should not blog specifically where it might be teaching a man or men might regard it as teaching them something, so I was thinking “You can’t have freedom to disagree over nonessentials and you don’t have freedom to call out false doctrine.” The Patriarchals may say she can disagree but he in reality can accuse her of teaching whenever he wants and disregard her. Yipes!